" You'd better watch it." The Wing Commander retorted, " The Welsh are a puritanical race." Judy was puzzled - that didn't seem quite right given her recent experiences of two Welshmen in Germany, especially the one who insisted on standing on a table trying to pretend he was a blackbird. On reflection though, it had not been a good year for the Wing Commander and his relationship with the Welsh nation. In April hadn't some Welshman called Scott Gibbs scored a try at Wembley in the last minute of a match which had wrecked all the aspirations of his English rugby friends ? Also she reflected he had been in a bad mood when Wales had been granted a Welsh Assembly. The leader of the Conservative Party had not helped matters by taking a Welsh lady for his bride. She remembered too that the 'mad Welshman' had kept on and on and on about Wales building the best rugby stadium in the world. Nevertheless, when she had mentioned she was going to have lunch with 'Graham from Cardiff' such a comment had not been expected.

Welshmen, puritanical ? - that cannot be the case. The current Prince of Wales had not been puritanical so far as Princess Diana had been concerned. Hadn't the previous Prince of Wales given up his throne and all the responsibilities that entailed for a commoner, Mrs Simpson ? Judy thought a little more. She recollected that another Welshman, Lloyd George, when he had been Prime Minister and took the high moral ground, had made sure the 'common' people knew nothing of his many lady friends. Then there was Richard Burton 'stealing' Liz Taylor from Eddie Fisher and Catherine Zeta Jones being the current escort of Michael Douglas. The list of members of 'that' race who disproved the comment seemed endless. When Secretary of State for Wales Ron Davies had gone for a walk on Clapham Common puritanical thoughts hadn't been in his mind. However, considering the matter further Judy had to admit that Graham on holiday had been puritanical. Having said that, he had lost no time in contacting her on his return to, as he calls Wales, the Magic Kingdom.

"Sorry, Wing Commander," she replied, "I don't think that's correct, you had better explain."

"My dear," he said, " the Welsh are a funny lot. All they do is go to chapel on a Sunday, sing hymns, drink beer and play rugby."

Judy smiled. The Wing Commander was struggling and she knew it. Deep down she felt her friend wasn't so much annoyed at her seeing a Welshman in that very English sounding town, Ross-on-Wye, but more the fact that he had been only a low ranking Corporal, against his esteemed Officer Status. As she remembered it was hardly Graham's fault that when he was called up for National Service, he had no parents and no money. She recollected that on holiday he recounted the episode of when he had gone to Warminster to be assessed for Officer Status. He had soon been refused once the interviewing Major had learnt he had no 'connections' and only £3.00 in the bank.

"Wing Commander, " she said, " with the greatest respect those four facts hardly prove your comment that the Welsh are puritanical. You'll need to do better."

"I'm concerned for you Judy. Remember you are quite a catch for a Welshman to take out. Are you sure for a start he'll know his table manners ? From my trips to Cardiff I seem to remember all they do is walk around the town eating pie and chips with their fingers. Does he take regular baths to get rid of all that coal dust ?". The Wing Commander seemed very happy to be having a real dig at the Welsh race. Judy felt she had to come to their defence. It seemed clear her friend just didn't like the Welsh. The Wing Commander conceded a little. "You're right." he said, " I said that without really thinking. Perhaps odd would be a better description of them. I'd better not mention what went on in the mountains of Wales when the Romans made the very sensible decision to leave them there."

"What went on? Now you really must give me an explanation." Judy seemed to be getting a little angry now. "Graham tells me the Romans gave up because they simply could not overpower a superior military force. Let's face it the English at that time seemed happy to let them take over. They didn't do much to get rid of them."

The Clarks Pie Shop, Clifton St., Cardiff.
One of the top tourist attractions in Wales,
visited by thousands of gourmets every year.

The Wing Commander seemed to consider he was getting the upper hand now. However, when he made his next comment he wasn't ready for the outburst he was to receive. "Incest, my dear pure and simple. You must have noticed that most Welsh are short with bow legs. That's why England have always supplied the forwards for the British Lions rugby sides, they need to be tall and strong. The Welsh, because of their stature, always made better three-quarters. What they were best at was side stepping and dodging about. That's where their height and funny legs came in handy. Also, it made them better coal miners - they were able to stand upright. Up in the mountains they danced around a ring of stones naked singing in that peculiar language of theirs. They are not quite so bad today though.

They dress up in white robes for all their national ceremonies and call themselves Druids. Ron Davies was made a Druid and look what he got up to on Clapham Common. There are only two decent things that come out of Wales, the M4 and water. Our water in the Midlands comes from the Elan Valley although we had to build the reservoirs. It rains a hell of lot in Wales I can tell you. "

Judy exploded, "Now that is unfair. For a start Graham is tall and he tells me in 1963 he won a competition in his rugby club for the Sexiest Legs. The wives and girifriends voted for him. Oh yes and he was a three-quarter whatever that is. His occupation was typically English by the way he worked in insurance. Covered in coal dust he is not".

"The next thing you will tell me about this upstart, I shan't use the word young, is that he is a Rugby Club Secretary and played for Wales. By the way, Will Carling, was a three-quarter and you know what he got up to. Three-quarters have to have exceptional pace and be strong. They need to be able to catch a rugby ball whilst running at top speed and being molested by the opposition. It's quite an art. They like to think they are the glamour boys of the side always showing off. Bromsgrove had a player who used to run balancing the ball on one finger. Come to think of it he had sexy legs, well at least the girls thought they were. His other trick was to comb his hair as he dived over to score a try."

Three quarters like to think they are the glamour boys of the side, always showing off !

At this Judy knew she would annoy her friend, "Well actually he is a Rugby Club Secretary and although he never played for Wales he had a final Welsh Youth trial and tells me he's played on Cardiff Arms Park and some other grounds with odd sounding names. Llanelli play on one of them. Graham, you can be assured, wouldn't be able to comb his hair."

"Llareggub, Llareggub please don't tell me it's that club." The comment was spat out with real anger.

No its a club in the suburbs of Cardiff called Rumney. I'm to tell you it's the one with a 'u' and not 'h' whatever that means. I understand the one with the 'h' is in the valleys somewhere".

At this the Wing Commander seemed relieved. "Well at least it's not that infernal side Llareggub RFC. That is a side I want to forget. Bromsgrove played them once. I can tell you never, never be on your own with someone from that club. Just because we were beating them they dropped one of the players from Bromsgrove on his head. They wouldn't speak in the bar afterwards. A very sullen and murderous looking bunch. Monsters I would call them. I made certain the club stopped fixtures with that lot. Remember Judy, rugby players especially Welsh ones are not the sort you want to be alone with. They are not to be trusted."

"You played rugby," Judy had the perfect reply to that, "Why am I alone with you then?"

"Because I can be trusted, my dear. I'm also English and we know how to treat a lady. You know all about me and I am the perfect gentleman. Doubtless our friend from Wales is planning some diabolical scheme to get you away to the mountains of Wales. Goodness only knows what would happen then. Doubtless he'll provide you with a cave and some coal. The only food he'll supply is something they make from seaweed, I forget it's name, but those idiots think it's a luxury. Then he will disappear and go drinking beer with his butties, that's Welsh slang meaning friend. All you hear them say is "Hiya But". Can't sling a sentence together. He's not married is he ? - that's something rugby players are crafty about. You should know that following every rugby tour all on the trip will make certain nothing of what went on is revealed, least of all to wives and girifriends"

Judy gave a large smile, it had to be said that it was one of her most attractive features. Her face lit up, "All he's done is ask me to lunch in Ross-on-Wye next Saturday. Mind you he has asked me down to Cardiff to see something called the Millennium Stadium. On holiday I thought it was a strange chat-up line. Oh and he's not married, divorced, and I understand I'm the first lady he's asked out since his release. Surely I should take that as a compliment."

The Wing Commander seemed to struggle for a reply and when it came it did seem a little weak. "You notice he didn't ask you out in the rugby season" he said.

That's simply not good enough," Judy smiled again. "By the way what is the Millennium Stadium? Graham informed me it is to be the best rugby stadium in the world."

"That's the Welsh being crafty and devious again. They waited for us to modernise our stadium at Twickenham then behind our backs got money from the National Lottery and goodness knows who else to build a stadium with a sliding roof, removable pitch, a river walkway, restaurants and shops. You can bet they have plenty of bars too. By the way whatever you do, if you do get down to Cardiff don't try the local beer from Brains Brewery. It's called SA and that should stand for 'Strong Ale'. The Cardiffians have nicknamed it 'Skull Attack'. The Wing Commander seemed really upset at having to admit the possibly that the Welsh have managed to get one over the English for a change. "I will admit it is going to be some stadium, trust a Welshman to try to use it to his advantage. However, you shouldn't cut your nose off to spite your face. If you get an invite you should go, especially as it will be the best facility in the country for outdoor concerts. If it rains the roof will simply be closed. 72,500 under cover will be quite a sight."

Judy seemed to be deep in thought for a while. "You mentioned the rugby season, Wing Commander, are Wales playing on 12th June?"

"Actually they are, against Argentina. If they win it will be five victories in a row and they haven't done that since 1978. They're playing South Africa on 26th June in that bloody stadium they keep on about. "

This point had been won and Judy enjoyed the moment. "Well there you are then, he has asked me out in the rugby season, that's the day he's invited me to lunch in Ross-on-Wye. He tried for the 26th June as well."

"Just you make sure it's only lunch. I bet he tries to keep you out all day." This time it was the Wing Commander who was deep in thought, doubtless trying to think of some comment about the Welsh that would really make his feelings known about the 'madmen' from across Offa's Dyke. He was, he admitted to himself, finding it difficult so he decided to try a different line of attack. "Cardiff is supposed to be the capital city of Wales. Apart from that blasted Millennium Stadium there's not much else going for the place, hardly worth a visit."

"Graham seems very proud of his city, won't hear a bad word said about it. " Judy replied. "He calls it the capital of the Magic Kingdom and quite a place to visit. According to him you can shop till you drop, visit the new development in Cardiff Bay, have a meal and a drink in the Italian Pavement Quarter, see a show at either the theatre or two concert halls, go to the cinema at one of two new complexes each with twelve screens, take a trip around the biggest outdoor museum in the country at St. Fagans, see what everybody considers to be the best Civic Centre in the country and the Castle which is right in the middle of town amongst lots of other places to enjoy. Graham also lives minutes from a park with a lake in the middle. He was asked to move to Wolverhampton by his employers but turned the move down. Can't say I blame him. Oh yes, I forgot, it's only ten minutes from the sea or just over an hour from places such as Tenby in West Wales. I could try the SA, sounds fun. Actually Brains Brewery supply the beer for his rugby club."

The Wing Commander had to relent, "True it does seem to have a little more on offer than Studley but home is where the heart is you know. Promise me one thing, though, if he does drag you down you won't try the SA, goodness knows what would happen. I fear for you."

Judy was rather pleased that she had seemed to make the Wing Commander start to consider Wales and Cardiff in particular as not being quite so bad. She knew too that she was keeping one final fact to herself. The Wing Commander would be very surprised at that particular point. However, it was obvious the Wing Commander was not finished and was possibly going to be a little personal.

"Tell me about Graham then. " the Wing Commander said, "I trust he went to a good school."

Judy knew this was going to be interesting and decided to give as much information as she could without pausing. "Well actually he went to a grammar school after passing the 11 plus. His father was pleased since only the grammar schools in Wales played rugby. He was born on a council estate in what I understand is a very rough area of Cardiff called Ely. He doesn't live there now though, he's in the suburbs north of Cardiff in Thornhill. Like you, he is a military man, served in the army, the Royal Army Pay Corps, as a Corporal whilst completing his National Service in W. Wales and N. Ireland. He captained his regimental rugby side."

The Wing Commander stopped her. "This is getting ridiculous," he exploded. "You mean to tell me you are thinking of having lunch with, let's face it, an ex-NCO born on a council estate who never went to a public school. Are you sure, my dear, he is not into drugs and wants you to sell them up here in the Midlands ?"

At this point Judy felt she had to bring a sense of realism to the proceedings. "Now hang on a minute " she quietly replied, "that's a bit of an overstatement. All I can tell you is that on our coach trip to Germany I had no idea he thought I was attractive and would like to see me again. It was quite a shock I can tell you when I had a card from him asking if he could buy me lunch. He was on holiday with a friend called Joe Walsh and both behaved like gentlemen. By the way they were not gay, they made that perfectly clear. You are making me nervous I'm beginning to wish I hadn't agreed to meet him." Judy began to have misgivings and decided to make them public. "You do have a point I suppose, I don't know him that well."

This was what the Wing Commander was waiting for and decided to go all out on attack. "Judy let us consider all the facts, few that they are. Here you are, obviously a very attractive woman and this upstart from Wales wants to muscle in. He has no class, couldn't even get a commission and only attained two stripes on his sleeve in what sounds a very pathetic army career, I mean the Pay Corps. He is still connected with a rugby club so presumably he hardly acts his age, drinks beer and not wine. I remember you mentioned last week he stands on tables a lot trying to be a blackbird. Fine thing it would be if he attempted that over lunch in Ross-on-Wye. Blackbirds I need hardly say are not the most attractive of birds. Another thing, what are you going to talk about in Ross, you have nothing in common ? He's common but you are certainly not."

Judy was having real doubts now and stated them. "You do have a point but really there can't be any harm in meeting him. It's not as if he will arrive with some mates, tie me up and throw me in the boot of his car. However I will remember what you said and be very careful."

The Wing Commander wasn't finished and wanted a little more information. "You didn't tell me about Graham's parents. I trust his father was also a Cardiffian and not one of those horrible valley types. Graham wasn't born in Llareggub was he?"

"I meant to tell you about his parents, you will be surprised." Judy smiled, she knew the Wing Commander was going to have a shock. She was looking forward to his reaction. "Actually his father was a Cockney from the East End of London. He moved to Cardiff to find employment and worked for Great Western Railway. Graham tells me the initials GWR actually stood for 'God's Wonderful Railway'. Graham's mother worked 'in service' in a large house in Hertfordshire near Bishop's Stortford. Graham was born in Cardiff, however. You can't get more English than that can you ? It was Graham's father who made sure he played rugby".

For the first time the Wing Commander actually smiled broadly. Judy was sure some sarcastic remark was about to be made. It was, however, a brief statement. "You mean he is English and could have played rugby for England ? It sounds as if he was a reasonable player".

"Well yes I suppose he is English really, I mean his parents were. I'm sure if he had applied himself he could have played rugby for England." Judy was a little puzzled, she had expected a stronger comment from the Wing Commander than merely an enquiry about Graham's nationality.

In a very fatherlike manner the Wing Commander placed his arm around Judy's shoulders saying quietly, "Judy what have you to fear ? He sounds a perfect gentleman. I am sure you will have a very enjoyable afternoon and evening with him. WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY AT THE BEGINNING HE IS ONE OF US ?"

Angels over The Millennium Stadium, Cardiff Arms Park